#this system shit confusing

[tuxedokit-sys-selfships]

👨‍👨‍👦‍👦 for Sam

👨‍👨‍👦‍👦 = would you like to rasie a family with your f/o? (if you aren't already)

yes but also i think that would be disastrous <3333 that kid would have the most hectic childhood ever, and chances are theyd grow up to be just as chaotic as max, considering he would also be their dad

[divinerapturesys]

If u rp and u also have did, it’s never just as simple as “I’m really in character now” is it

[shizunitis]

Luo Binghe & Tianlang-Jun: Origins. And a Bit of Projection.

Disclaimer: This is basically just a collection of quotes from The Scum Villain's Self-Saving System, Volume 3, accompanied by (adjective) thoughts, and then even more relevant quotes listed at the end. If I could, I’d paste the entirety of Chapter 18.

“As expected, I can’t bring myself to hate humans.” — Vol. 3, Chapter 21: Always Together

I will always be conflicted on the topic of Tianlang-jun, and it annoys me. There is so much I could say about him, and so little I can successfully articulate. He is, to me, more confounding, complex and tragic than Shen Jiu.

He’s pitiful and awe-inspiring, wicked and affable, cunning and wide-eyed in his curiousity. He is a compelling, heartbreaking character. He alternates between emotionless wisdom and mournful apathy. I admire how his knees don’t buckle under the weight of his grief, but how he crumbles at the barest hint of hope. How rage claws at him and, still, he can’t figure out how to make it stick.

I empathise with him. I understand him.

But then, in the distance, Luo Binghe's indifferent voice disturbs the silence, causing me to drop my drink onto the floor and this post onto your screen:

“He’s not my father.”

It’s an interesting exercise, exploring their relationship in reconciliation fics. To see them interact (semi-)honestly, watch them take turns filling up the chasm between them. It’s wonderful. Every fic I’ve read centred around them was a delightful read that I still think about.

However. I cannot see Tianlang-Jun, as I understand him, as Luo Binghe’s father. And not just because of the 3rd Novel’s events.

But because Binghe had hoped for something; he did have that wide-eyed wonder. He did hold one last window open, for the sake of an improbability he couldn’t quite, just yet, dismiss.

It’s what (most) orphaned and/or adopted childred do.

Though Luo Binghe had never said a word about it before, Shen Qingqiu knew that he harbored some fantasies about his birth parents. […] In fact, he’d always secretly fantasized about whether his parents might still be alive, and how well they’d treat him, and how they’d never let him suffer the mildest slight. — Vol. 3, Chapter 17: Tianlang

It is the most human thing; to want to be helped, accepted, invited by those given to you. A family is given to you. Whether you believe it an act of the divine, of nature, of coincidence, it isn’t something you fight for. It’s the first and, arguably, only thing you don’t have to fight for in life.

Depending on a multitude of factors, that can be a blessing or a curse; but where there is room for interpretation, questions left unanswered, most childred—Binghe included—will turn to their imagination, and try to make sense of it. Usually, to comfort themselves, to reassure themselves that surely, if their family could, they would have.

And, yeah. Most likely, if the Palace Master had gotten punted into the Sun like he fucking deserved, they would have. But does it matter?

In the face of a bleak reality, what comfort is a could-have-been?

He liked to call Luo Binghe “that son of mine,” but he didn’t seem to possess any concept of fatherly affection. […] Luo Binghe was in fact…someone who was unloved by even his own parents. — Vol. 3, Chapter 15: Holy Mausoleum

What use are good intentions to an abandoned child? What consolation is it, to say, They gave birth to you, when that child has seen no evidence of their care? Does it dry their tears, that their mother can’t be here, but she surely would have wished to be? That their father would protect them, if only he knew of them?

(And don’t make me tell you about the visceral horror I felt reading the Origins chapter. I’ve yet to make my peace with it. MXTX, Airplane, whoever: you’ve ruined me.)

The washerwoman was and continues to be, to Binghe, his only mother. And I would argue, that’s healthy. Even independent of his other traumas (Abyss, Shizun’s betrayal, Xin Mo’s influence, living on the streets, etc, holy shit Binghe) Luo Binghe will not accept anyone else as his mother.

“Who is this Su Xiyan?” Luo Binghe asked coldly. “My mother was a mere washerwoman.” — Vol. 3, Chapter 18: Origins.

It may seem callous. It probably even is! But it is a healthy line he’d drawn by his own initiative. It’s what helps him, what he feels he needs to do in order to do right by his mother, and his own heart.

And! Tianlang-Jun doesn’t seem to give much of a shit, either!

Won’t, probably, even in the future, once the dust will have settled. He is exhausted, weary with carrying the corpse of his love, the loss of his nephew. Whatever goodwill he shows, it’s a perfunctory sort, because he can’t afford more.

So. Uhh.

Tianlang-Jun is not a character I can love, nor one I can hate. Usually, I can’t help but be inclined to love complex characters. Like them, too—though that’s more of an action-based thing rather than just said character’s personality.

But with Tianlang-Jun, I’m stuck whichever way I turn. If I want to love/like him, I’m drawn back by Binghe’s pain and disappointment. If I try to hate/dislike him, I’m drawn back by his own history and grief.

In conclusion:

I don't know! I'm not really trying to, like, prove anything. I still love the aforementioned TLJ & LBH fics, I still love their dynamic. I started walking and ended up exactly in the same space. This, perhaps, could be considered a Heavenly Demon Family Mobius Strip!

I'm not really trying to say anything. It just… makes me feel conflicted, and angry, and whenever I allow myself to think about it a bit more, sad.

But.

However!

Alas.

Nonetheless, even.

As a reader and—on my better days—a writer, all I can say is:

As promised/threatened: some selected passages, for your reading pleasure:

So, it looked like neither the father nor the cousin had any intention of acknowledging Luo Binghe. — Chapter 15: Holy Mausoleum

He liked to call Luo Binghe “that son of mine,” but he didn’t seem to possess any concept of fatherly affection. — Chapter 15: Holy Mausoleum

Tianlang-Jun lifted his hand, took a look at Luo Binghe’s snow-pale face, and commented indifferently, “He looks like his mother.” “His eyes look like yours,” came a chill voice from the side. — Chapter 15: Holy Mausoleum

The faint hopes and dreams Luo Binghe had held in his heart for many years had been mercilessly pulverized into so much dust. […] [Tianlang-Jun] refused to speak a single word of their relationship and had been utterly ruthless back in the Holy Mausoleum. […] To his parents, Luo Binghe was an unwanted child. — Chapter 18: Origins

“If he was my father, why didn’t he bring it up earlier? Why not tell me?” The most Tianlang-Jun had said was that single line he offered while beating up Luo Binghe, devoid of either praise or criticism: “He looks like his mother.” He looks like his mother. What of it? But that was all. There was nothing more. — Chapter 18: Origins

Luo Binghe was indifferent. “He’s not my father.” […] Luo Binghe shook his head. It was unclear what he was stubbornly clinging to, but he repeated, “He’s not my father.” — Chapter 18: Origins

Luo Binghe raised his smiling face, his eyes shining brightly. “Mother was the kindest person in all the world to me.” — Chapter 19: Shen Jiu

[akimojo]

i've seen a lot of dumb ff13 takes, but "why didn't the party just kill barthandelus and leave" has to be the stupidest one to date oh my god

[ratbastarddotfuck]

just discovered that I seem to have been kicked from a server I spent more or less a decade building? like I was the founding member. must've happened overnight, cause I was looking at it just yesterday.

I've been relatively inactive for the last year or so because I decided I could no longer casually interact with someone who used to be my best friend, but I did still have other friends in there and I would occasionally check in on them through the server. we'd also never kicked anyone for inactivity like this before; people have been inactive for years that we kept around in case they wanted to come say hi.

really I'm just confused about who made this decision/when or how it was made, why nobody bothered to message me about it? ten years and some of the most important connections of my life. these people kept me alive when I first moved out of home. and I'm just kicked without warning? what did I fucking do?

[lynaferns]

Why tf are the tags censored???

Who does that?

Do people think this is tiktok or what?

[vampiriccollective]

I….. what do you mean the head mod told someone to put a trigger warning for ROMANCE in the comments under a community post. WHAT

Im sorry what in the 2020 discord server is this

[catwouthats]

Me when I finally found labels that suit me but a shit ton of people are saying it doesn’t exist/it “invalidates others”

[whumpy-wyrms]

this man’s hair is changing without my permission again

[arl-the-beloved]

I read a fic a few days ago where Akako and Kid flirt (kinda) and then they both just turned to Hakuba and dragged him into the flirting thing and i havent been able to get it out of my head since

[dragongirlbunny]

it is very weird to have one headmate who is a lesbian and one who is [probably] bi

[timeisacephalopod]

Part of being Canadian is how similar we are to the US, and honestly not a single person on earth I think could genuinely pin point the difference between Canadian and American culture but the average Canadian. Americans assume we're the same as them (we aren't), even a bunch of Canadians think we're Americans, especially around voting seasons, and about half our cultural identity is "we're Not American!" but there are some cultural differences and if we all spoke French equally we could have had a language distinction but nooooo. Despite not being America unfortunately such a fuck off massive country right below your teeny tiny ass country (population wise) does result in a cultural avalanche from said fuck off massive country. Especially when you share a language.

The war of 1812 will forever be funny to me though because Americans were like "hmm maybe Canadians would also like to tell the British to fuck off, we will invade to show them!" And Canada was like *burns down the white house* and we've been tentatively chill with each other ever since lmao (even when we probably like. Shouldn't be cool with America but like. We could not risk that implosion politically or otherwise it'd be suicide).

[faerynova]

Hey, 🥝 of the queue system here again! I'm sorry if I'm clogging up your ask box here, but im pretty sure my previous ask got eaten. Anyways- I was wondering when exactly raph's OSDD came to light?

Hope you're good ^^

it didnt get eaten its in my drafts with like 5 paragraphs of nonsense sldkjfsdk

dw tho youre not a bother i love getting asks and talking about my fics. it can just take me like a while to respond if its something i have to actually think about

honestly im still figuring out details!! its not relevant to connective tissue (the big fic im working on w my friend) so its not super high priority, but im dipping my toes in a raph backstory oneshot to explore his whole everything

uhhh rambly under the cut!!

i think hes like 11 or 12 when he figures out hes a system. but also i think that he pretty consistently heard and even talked to mind raph for years and just assumed that like... he has a very animated inner monologue (donnie's words, not raph's). mind didnt see any need to say anything otherwise because it kept the system functional

tbh all the boys are so weird in their own ways that raph's weird stuff (garbage memory, "mood swings", hardcore zoning out, randomly going nonverbal, talking to himself) is hardly a blip on anyone's radar so he didnt really think about it either (raph is also autistic you'll pry it from my cold dead hands so theres another reason he just didnt second guess anything)

i think what tips raph off eventually is the memory stuff. if he forgets something, or blanks out a whole day, then why can mind raph remember and give him tips and reminders for things? he shouldnt know things that raph doesnt.

basically: slow realization, nothing sudden or alarming. unnerving yeah but on raphs end it gets worked out through communication w mind raph and then the rest of the system. and from there honestly he IMMEDIATELY tells the rest of his family that hes got other people in his head. that part im sure of. the collective doesnt hesitate with telling everyone else

its a lot of confusion and antics with splinter being halfway convinced raph is possessed (absolutely nothing bad comes from it. splinter just doesnt know what the fuck osdd is and he knows magic is real so like. reasonable assumption on his end), and then its april to the rescue because her dad is a psychologist and she can be like hey this thing has a name actually and ive got info from a ~professional~

reactions vary--splinter has some v e r y complicated emotions. donnie and leo both get a bit overbearing/invasive asking raph all sorts of questions about his system and april is beating them back with a stick. mikey is mildly confused but is having a blast getting to meet the rest of the collective properly. everyone gets to figure stuff out together from there

[blitz0hno]

So after our ermmmmm turbulent first relationship-turned-situationship of 2 years w our ex highschool best friend our longest lasting relationship is <24hrs total and still managed to end w the person saying I'm terrible???? Fuck.

Tough thing is, I did my damn best but every time I explain this shit it'll ALWAYS sound like I'm leaving something out that I did wrong; but I was always the one apologizing even growing up I always had to apologize, is there just something about me that makes my actions more severe? Why do I have to feel guilty over people who never cared to actually know me? Did I not work hard enough to be "known"? I only ever wanted to see them happy and I thought I expressed that.

Why do people think that it's ok to try and gaslight me just so they don't have to admit fault? I know she blocked me and I said I respected that, only for her to try to tell me that I didn't care. Well I admit fault when it's mine, but the minute I ask the same of the other person they just act like I want to be "right." Well am I wrong for wanting to be CONSIDERED? For wanting my perspective acknowledged the way I take theirs into account?

Plenty of people find others that care for them like that. Why do people stop caring about what I need just because I act independent? I don't even ask for much. I had to stop myself from asking for "basic kindness" when she asked me what I wanted in a partner at the risk of sounding pathetic, but I guess I don't even get that. I just upset motherfuckers one way or another, I don't even have to do anything but be myself.

Is it something you really do earn? Something I have yet to lower myself to deserve? I want someone to be fucking honest with me, allow me to be honest as well, and not abandon me for it. Someone needs to tell me what the fuck I'm doing wrong. Is everyone I'm close with just going to freak out and run the other way the SECOND I mess up, just because I normally don't? Because I try so hard not to, I'm just expected not to? Not an ounce or effort of forgiveness that makes me give people chance after chance even when they hurt me?

Don't lie about me.

It's ok for everyone else but not for me.

Why? Hey,

why can't I just get it right?

[fagsex]

longterm mutual just showed up in my notes with the Following ✔️ instead of Mutuals👥️ like oh no its okay i can die

[killjoy-prince]

I now know the context for the 'Doctor... you're huge' line